Headaches and clouds

Sunday: Afternoon, but I don’t mind because the heat feels good to my back. I walked after grading many papers, at first to 548 and back, but I extended it just a little. There were clouds to look at, but none to cover. My mind was scattered; I could not think of any one thing, but maybe that’s good. Another day I can stay out until I think of something or become content with nothing. I even walked through lots of grass and dirt; I don’t know what made be brave. Thinking about a friend who is miles away running under the same hot sun, and happy to just be moving.

Thursday: Headache was plaguing me and I could not concentrate on work, so I decided to walk around the neighborhood. Saw a jay hop up to the roof of a house and wondered if he was lazy or had just found a better way to get where he wanted. When I got home, my back hurt something fierce and I got little work done before I had to drive children all over.

After a promising start

Sunday: Took a short walk as the sun was setting from the  house to what used to be my kids’ elementary school. Thought about how much I missed my kids who were gone to camp and how I was walking slow, though I’m told to lose weight I have to have brisker, longer walks. All in due time, I thought to myself. It also occurred to me that prayer should be the focal point of my solitary walks, not so much the composition of poems or taking pictures. And then I wondered if my little poems might be part of my prayers. That seems right sometimes, but I wondered if I was just making excuses.

Monday: No walk today. Went to the library, and at some point I wondered if I’d ever get the a point where I could walk there a couple times a week.

The rest of the week was pretty much a bust. I kept wanting to walk, needing to reduce the stress by moving about, but something always got in the way. An appointment here, a headache there, a computer all the time making my work harder and more time consuming than it should have been. (I know. That last should have been all the more reason to strap on the shoes and go, but every time I seriously thought about it, I felt something in my blood pressure drop, and I feared I might not make it back.)

I’m back…maybe

Monday: As you can see from the lack of activity lately, I haven’t done much walking. There are a number of reasons for this, but the biggest one is the problem of my back. I have written before about problems and struggles, but it seems have come to a head of sorts today. I had concluded that I would have to walk without the dogs for awhile, and that I may have to do more night walking when I can't sleep. But I haven’t. And today I had to go to the hospital emergency room. I was given several drugs through an i.v., and within a few hours was at home working on the computer (one of many things that could be exacerbating my problem). I do not know what to make of it. But I have to get out there somehow.

Tuesday: Anger seems to have driven my walk today. Anger at disobedient children who look at me like I’m nuts. Anger at people who claim to care what I think, but tell me to shut up. Anger at those who want my silence and coax me to speak at the same time. Anger at mediation. Anger at the pain in my back. Good time to walk I guess, if just through a few alleys looking at thistles and apple tress that hang over the fence of someone in the neighborhood. I used to walk myself tired, long time ago, when upset. Today, wrote a little poem, took a couple pictures, and walked myself sore, all in the span of about fifteen minutes.

Wednesday: Well, when I woke up this morning with my back hurting I returned to sleep. When I got up, it was worse, but I trudged on…all the way to the computer. My plan was to work for forty-five minutes to an hour and then walk for fifteen. I got one walk in, at first feeling good in the heat, but sore by the time I got home. Wasn’t too bad though; it was pain like exercise is supposed to be like. Thought I’d get out again, but then there were too many distractions and I all I managed was work.

Thursday and Friday: No walking these days. Wanted to, but much was in the process of going wrong. I should probably try to walk at night, and get away from this dang computer.

Some poem written the last time I walked

a fat man labors on an old road
a dog barks
another dog follows the barking
a smell of cut grass and stirred pollen
as the back begins to flame
tires on gravel briefly cover
hoots and chirps toward dusk
a smell of kerosene and fired brush

Only Monday

Monday: Almost did not make the Monday walk to El Centro. I’d gone a few feet when the leg and back started hurting. Actually, the back had been hurting for a few hours. Anyway, I stopped walking and thought about going to my car and driving to the office. But I told myself if I could go a little more, maybe I’d be alright. A few minutes later, I was sitting at a computer, a little sore, but not bad off. Flared up again on the way back, but I was able to concentrate on other things enough to be distracted from the distraction.

So much space in Dallas

seems devoted to parking.

Yet every lot I pass

is lonelier than a prayer garden.

Reading:

Listening: