Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The Burden of Success

A problem with goals is that one usually has to live with the consequences of reaching them. Smarter people, or people who are walking or running merely to lose weight, for example, would not try to cross a bridge unless she/he was quite certain of returning in the same manner as the initial crossing. A person trying merely to lose pounds of fat, might challenge him/herself now and then, but there is a reason such people go to a track to run or walk around the block: they know enough of the journey to ensure safe travel.

But today I crossed Tuesday Bridge for the first time. Of course I was happy, pleased with my minor little accomplishment, but it did not take me long to realize that I was going to have to go back across if I wanted to drive home or get a drink (I exhausted my water bottle), or avoid the embarrassment of calling someone. There was a twinge in one ankle. A heat rash started its whine, drowned out by music in one ear (since my ear buds were broken) and traffic. Though it was still morning, I could feel myself roasting in my sweat.

And yet.

Perhaps it was delirium. Maybe it was budding confidence. I envisioned myself taking walking trips that would last whole days. Didn't know where I would exactly go, but I could see myself packing a light lunch and my iPad for a notebook, stuffing a water bottle into my backpack next to an extra shirt. There I was traveling, smiling at passersby, arriving some kind of where.

thank You for the sun
burning my face
melting my unneeded self

Two and a half hours after locking it, I was back at my car. Only then did my back begin to ache the ache of someone who has worked a little too hard. In my hips I felt a dull soreness I did not recognize. Then I was in the car, frowning at the slow air conditioner, and heading toward a glass of iced tea.

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