Toward Hope

Summer begins and I walk this morning, looking toward hope. I'm not going anywhere, not doing anything. Just trying to get the rest prescribed to me. And I keep telling myself, that if I just walk and rest, when Fall comes I'll be a better teacher, better father, better friend, but something says that I'll just be a little thinner. That's okay too.

Summer is often disappointing because I start with so many goals, and always fail to meet them. Now my goal is to "rest," whatever the heck that means. And I am already worried I cannot meet that goal because it is so vague and because too much seems to stand in the way, but I'm going to try.

your imaginary defenses

have attacked

have left me behind

why have you negotiated

my fallenness

I just want to be good again. The numbers overwhelm  and keep me blind even to those who support me. I don't need to prove myself to those who have always thought me a failure. I need to leave discouragement behind. I need to leave fatigue behind. I need to leave fear behind.

Or at least walk a little faster until they get tired and drop away.